highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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