Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
where are my eyebrows?
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