i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize