last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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