No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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