Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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