Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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