Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize