yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize