words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize