He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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