he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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