he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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