By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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