I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize