It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize