So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize