I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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