i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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