I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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