Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize