Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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