You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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