I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize