Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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