Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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