Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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