Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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