I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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