How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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