Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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