Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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