Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize