marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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