Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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