I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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