It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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