when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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