Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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