if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize