you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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