My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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