So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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