One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize