I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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