I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize