Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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