Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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