SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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