she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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